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Is it Unprofessional to Gossip at Work? Weigh In!
It’s Not “Unprofessional” to Gossip at work
Do You Gossip At Work? I Think We All Do!
Or Is It?
This is the eye grabbing title of a recent article in Harvard Business Review.
The article immediately grabbed my eye, because I have always felt that gossip at work is something that should never be tolerated, yet this article has opened me up a bit on the subject.
In life and in the world of leadership coaching, I have never been a fan of a great deal of gossip at work (or in social circles), because I believe that:
- About 99% of the time, gossip is delivered by a third party. I don’t really want to believe much that does not come straight out of the horse’s mouth.
- By the time I hear gossip, I wonder how much the story has been changed, watered down or embellished
- I always wonder about the source…gossip always seems to come to me from the same people, so it makes me wonder about their motives.
- I have seen gossip at work destroy families and businesses.
The recent HBR article suggests that managers and leaders often try to squelch gossip at work without addressing the deep rooted problem that is generating it…that gossip is a symptom of a much larger issue and by listening closely, a leader can work to resolve the big problem at the root.
I know that everyone gossips…we all do in one way or another. And…managers and leaders DO gossip. My question today, is this: Do you agree that workplace gossip can be professional if addressed head on?
Leave your comments below about the HBR Article about Gossip at Work below.
3 Tools to Help You Master the Art of Conflict Resolution
Are you going in different directions and avoiding the elephant in the room?
In the last 11 years of working with conflict resolution and leadership coaching for executives and their teams, I have never met a group of people that did not have some type of conflict going on inside their company.
Conflict Resolution is Tough.
Conflict is inevitable and to conflict resolution is not an easy task. As a matter of fact, I believe conflict resolution is getting tougher, but resolving conflict is what can actually help us get to the truth of a situation, can be a stimulus for creativity and can make teams stronger…but only if handled correctly.
Today, I want to leave you with 3 very quick tools which can help you with conflict resolution (believe me…the fear of conflict rests with most people…no one likes conflict and most people don’t want to address it).
Conflict Resolution Tips:
1. Understand why the conflict exists in the first place. The reasons may include:
- A person feels misunderstood
- Something was said that was hurtful, and a person is harboring a grudge
- Two or more people have different values and/or beliefs about an issue
- A person is just unhappy and always wants to “stir the pot”
- Needs are not being met
- Differing communication styles (there are four basic communication styles: Dominance, Inspirational, Conscientious and Supportive) and these styles can butt heads constantly if not recognized
- Different career and life goals
- Low company morale
- People are simply going in very opposite directions in life
- Skewed perceptions
- A “don’t ask, don’t complain, don’t open your mouth” policy
- Confusion about an issue
- Your company has a “pecking order” and everyone knows it
- Playing favorites
Once you understand the root of the conflict, you can then begin to address it on an individual basis.
2. Let your team know that you are going to be meeting with everyone individually for a discussion on how to make your team stronger. Sit down one on one with each team member and say something like this:
“John…you know, I have noticed that our team seems to keep butting heads on a lot of issues and we seem to get nowhere. We leave meetings angry and without any clear direction, and I am here to take responsibility for this constant state of conflict we are living with. While I encourage conflict and debate, it seems that we are ending up with a lot of hurt feelings and people are starting to shut down. I want to talk to you about how you view conflict resolution and see where you stand or how you are feeling about all. Tell me a bit about your needs, goals and desires. I would like to know what you feel is working for you and about anything you feel you need that you are not getting on the team.” (You are digging here to find out what may be the hot spot for this person).
As you talk with each team member, make a few notes. Your goal here is to look for a repeating pattern of a need not being met, skewed perceptions, differing personality styles or values which are not aligned.
3. Once you have completed each one on one private conversation, meet with your team to discuss your view of the most common thread which came out of your individual conversations. WITH YOUR TEAM, come up with a solution on how to go about the conflict resolution process using just one issue which will have the biggest impact on improving the team conflict. This may be a plan to address the emotional intelligence of the team or communication styles. I do want to repeat…you don’t want to stop conflict and debate altogether…they will help your team be more creative and growth oriented. You do, however, want to improve any type of conflict which may be stopping your team from moving forward.
After the above three steps, where do you go with conflict resolution?
After step 3, it may be important for your team to engage in some type of team leadership coaching to work on moving the action forward. If conflict resolution something your team is interested in pursuing, please feel free to contact me for more information.
Leadership Coaching Lesson From Marshall Goldsmith: When Your Employees Know More Than You
Marshall Goldsmith has a great post on his blog on Harvard Business Review the topic of what to do when your employees know more than you.
With our new generation of knowledge workers, we are all going to be faced with this opportunity. So, start considering how to leverage this talent to your advantage and well being of your team.
Leadership Coaching Video of the Week: Dan Pink on the Surprising Science of Motivation
In this great video, career analyst Dan Pink examines the puzzle of motivation, starting with a fact that social scientists know but most managers don’t: Traditional rewards aren’t always as effective as we think.
One point I want to make…I don’t believe motivation works period…it is a pushing mechanism. I believe that inspiration DOES work, and this video is pretty much aligned with this thinking.
There are 3 intangibles that DO work…watch and find out what they are!
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Why Do Our Differences Get in the Way of a Great Relationship? | relationships
It seems that more and more, humans’ relationships are suffering because of what we call “irreconcilable differences”.
But…what if we could all really get along and be best friends in spite of our differences?
Maybe this video will give you a dose of inspiration. (Sent to me by my husband Mike).
A Classic Case of the Brain Getting Hijacked: Two Thumbs Up for Dustin Johnson | leadership lessons
Dustin Johnson makes a brilliant shot out of what was deemed a "bunker" (looks like trampled grass and dirt to me) at the PGA Tour 2010
At 3:00 on Sunday afternoon, I turned to my husband as we watched the final round of the PGA championship, and said: “Dustin Johnson is going to win this tournament.” Of course, Mike just nodded like he was trying to appease me.
As Johnson closes in on the tournament, things start to turn. He is in the lead on 17, and I am jumping around like a mad woman, and Mike reminds me that I am “calling it too soon”. Darn…he was right.
If you didn’t watch the final round, you may have heard that Johnson was leading until the 18th hole, when he lost a shot but gained a chance for a 3-way playoff for the championship. But, when he headed to the clubhouse, the course of events drastically changed. Johnson was informed by a PGA official that on hole 17, he hit his ball out of a bunker (which to me looked like a small piece of dirt…it looked like grass that had been trampled on all day and the dirt had just become exposed, and spectators were STANDING IN THE BUNKER, which I have NEVER seen in my life and I don’t recall seeing a rake. Duh…all bunkers have a rake. It looked like a waste bunker. The spectators were all over DJ…trying to get as close to him as possible, he asked them calmly to move out of the way, and guess what he did…he grounded his club in the bunker. The rules clearly stated that every piece of “dirt” was a bunker (and that basically the whole course was a bunker…if you see dirt, it’s a bunker) and that grounding a club in the bunker is an automatic 2-stroke penalty.) Geez!
This is a classic case of what we in the world of leadership coaching call brain hijacking. I feel in my heart that this was the case for Johnson, because David Price, the rules official who followed Johnson around on Sunday reportedly told the press that DJ asked for bunker rulings on Nos. 14 and 16 on Sunday. Dustin Johnson is no idiot. He even admitted during his post interview that it never crossed his mind that this was a bunker he was standing in and that he should have “read the rules more closely.” Here’s my take: Johnson knew the rules, so in my own world, here is what I think really happened.
1. Johnson knew he was in the lead. His adrenaline was pumping. He was excited.
2. He approached the bunker, and the excitement and adrenaline probably hijacked his brain and he forgot about the bunker situation…this looked like dirt to him…an area that had been walked on multiple times by spectators. Rules officials can’t give advice unless asked, and he just did not ask…it never crossed his mind this was a “bunker”.
3. A huge crowd was pushing up against him. He seemed really concerned about getting them out of the way…not only so that he could see but so that he would not hit someone with a club or a ball.
4. You mix all of this together, and it really just did not cross his mind that he was in a bunker. I doubt he had been in too many “bunkers” that looked like this mess of dirt.
5. He went through his usual pre-shot routine, which includes grounding the club a bit. (this is what caused him to get a 2-stroke penalty).
Was the PGA right in their ruling? Maybe or maybe not. It seems like they spelled out the rules that everything was a bunker, and at the end of the day, it does not matter what I think or what DJ thought…rules are rules. If they had not penalized him, I am sure there would have been an uproar from the team and fans for Martin Kaymer and Bubba Watson., both who ended up in a 3-hole playoff for the lead. Congrats to Martin Kaymer for his great win! (Way to go Gen Y!)
So, why am I talking about this as a leadership coach? If you are in a leadership position, you are going to come up against high adrenaline, chaotic, people packed, what do I do? moments….Times when you only have a fraction of a minute to make a decision, and it’s time to close your eyes and think. Just step back for a moment and get in check with what’s going on. Don’t let your team or the crowd or the rush of the moment make you end up with a big 2-stroke penalty (in this case for DJ, a few hundred thousand dollars!)
And…to close this off…I give DJ two thumbs up for admitting he should read the rules more closely next time and not making a stink. When asked after the tournament: Do you think that’s a good ruling? Is it the ruling they had to make? Johnson said: “I don’t know, if it was up to me, I wouldn’t have thought I was in the bunker but it’s not up to me, it’s up to the Rules Committee, so I’ve got to deal with it.”
Here’s a snippet of the video. Watch and make your own decision, and leave your comments below:
How to Get People to Know, Like and Trust You: Part 3: How to Get People to Trust You | building trust
Ever thought of building trust as a way to build up your bottom line profits?
Have you ever thought about building trust?
In this day and age, we are viewable anywhere and almost at any time of the day…You Tube, Facebook, Twitter and friends have made that possible. And…if you want to build a thriving enterprise, as the leader of the company, people HAVE to know they can count on you.
So, how do you really build trust? The answer is so simple, but it is so hard to live every day.
Let’s just keep this simple:
THE DO LIST:
1. Trust yourself and your abilities.
2. Show respect to others.
3. Show up early for each and every event.
4. Talk straight…don’t sugar coat your message.
5. Take responsibility and admit it when you make a mistake.
6. Hold YOURSELF accountable…AND ask others to hold you accountable and call you on your stuff when you slip.
7. Don’t EVER make promises. When you hear the word “promise”…RUN! In this day and age, we just cannot make promises. Anything can happen (even a natural disaster) that can break the promise.
8. Be brief and crystal clear in your communication. Repeat what you said 3 times to people.
9. Follow up on each thing you said you would follow up on.
10. Do it NOW! Or…for heaven’s sake…delegate it!
11. Be out in the open and as accessible as possible.
12. When someone tells you something in confidence, keep it locked away deep in your heart. Even if you tell your spouse, you just broke trust.
13. Be consistent and predictable…with your mood, decisions and the way you treat people.
14. Listen and listen carefully.
15. Be coachable…if you are not, then hire a coach!
THE DON’T LIST (THESE ARE GUARANTEED TO DESTROY YOUR TRUST)
1. Lie (both white lies and fish tales count)
2. Hide behind your desk and lock yourself in your office for most of the day.
3. Gossip about your employees to anyone who will listen.
4. When an employee does something great, make sure to take credit for the success. Hey…you are the owner of the company…it must be because of you!
5. Blame other people for your mistakes.
6. Be late for EVERY occasion (I can think of a few political leaders who live this one every day…oh…we can be late…we’re important! )
7. Make promises and just don’t devlier.
8. Keep making excuses as to why something is not done.
9. Let your team and company just fall apart around you and sit with a dumbfounded look that says “Duh…what happened?”
10. Be as muddy as you can in your communication and talk in circles…that really gets people confused.
11. When you are asked a tough question, avoid it, walk around it and start talking about what YOU want to talk about.
12. Write nasty emails to employees.
13. Take a big top job just so that you can talk and have people hear you.
14. Use company money for your own personal vacations.
15. Just be a jerk. Treat everyone in your company like dirt…they don’t deserve your respect anyway…you’re the head guy…you can do what you want.
16. Throw a big party with booze and women in your office at 5:00…that makes a great impression.
17. Change your name…make sure to have at least 3 aliases.
18. Change your mood every day…make people “guess” what mood will walk in the door.
19. Play favorites and make sure the public knows who you like best!
20. Don’t listen to anyone other than yourself…because…hey…you know it all!
21. Interrupt people constantly…only you need the floor, because as 20 says…you know it all! No one else needs to talk…just you.
This list sounds bizarre…right??? I’ve seen em all.
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